No fashion trend, outfit post or cosmetic review today. And, let me warn you, it's a bit of a long-winded one.
Without going into too much detail, I have not been the most fun person to be around lately. And without muttering a single word, those closest to me can see it. They can see that I am not "me". It is almost frightening to know that I showcase my emotions and feelings so outwardly. I almost feel as though my new name should be Debbie Downer. It doesn't have anything to do my my family or friends. In fact, if I did not have them, I would be a MEGA MESS. I think it has more to do with me as a person and not being happy in some aspects of my life.
Without going into too much detail, I have not been the most fun person to be around lately. And without muttering a single word, those closest to me can see it. They can see that I am not "me". It is almost frightening to know that I showcase my emotions and feelings so outwardly. I almost feel as though my new name should be Debbie Downer. It doesn't have anything to do my my family or friends. In fact, if I did not have them, I would be a MEGA MESS. I think it has more to do with me as a person and not being happy in some aspects of my life.
I have always been a fun-loving, social, goofy, a little crazy, extroverted person. Now, I feel like I am sort of just pretending to be "that" person because that's who everyone expects me to be.
I think the biggest issue that I have been battling is figuring out who I AM. Yes, I understand that I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a friend and most importantly a mother, but who am I in the grand scheme of things? I think women get so caught up trying to do 100 different things and be readily available to so many people, that we sometimes lose our own identity.
(For the record, I think it's MUCH easier being a member of the male species!)
(For the record, I think it's MUCH easier being a member of the male species!)
I have come to realize that I put too much pressure on myself and waste too much precious time sweating the small stuff. It's a struggle that has consumed me for most of my life. I will be the first to admit...I am a pretty high strung human being.
This is where the past weekend comes into play...can I just say it couldn't have come at a better a moment in my life. I whole heartedly believe God timed it perfectly.
It was a weekend for reflections.
I was able to spend an entire day with my family out at Ross's family's ranch. It sits on 88 acres and is in the middle of nowhere-ville. I am not your typical country girl...in fact I prefer the city, but for some reason, I felt at complete peace there this weekend. It was like my cares and worries from the prior week were lifted and gone. Being there gave me the opportunity to remind myself that all the things that have been bothering me (mostly work) didn't really matter. What I was doing, right then and there, was what mattered most...watching my girls catch fish in the pond, lounging in a hammock in the Spring breeze, eating an obscene amount of crawfish with my family and laughing as the kids dashed around during their Easter egg hunt. This is what life is TRULY about...the SMALL things that turn into BIG things.
Fast forward to Easter Sunday. Our church was so blessed and crazy lucky to have Tim Tebow speak at service. It has been all the buzz on ESPN and even made the front of MSN twice. Ross and I have been looking forward to it for weeks. Again, it could not have come at a better time or season in my life. I know this sounds crazy, but I felt like Tebow was talking to me. Do you ever get that feeling in church, like the sermon is being directed straight to you? Well, that is exactly how I felt. He reminded us that we are ALL leaders and we are ALL role models. Sometimes I forget that about myself. Sometimes I feel like not a soul is listening. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a place in this world. But, people are listening and I do have a place!
The biggest aha moment for me was when Tim Tebow shared his favorite quote,
"I don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future."
Yes, I believe that we all have control over our decisions and that we mold our future and destiny with the choices we make, but I also believe that He is the only one who holds the key and knows our true purpose.
So, after this loooooong winded post...here is my conclusion:
Life is not a walk in the park. We all go through seasons of hardships. We all fall. We are all broken. We all feel as though that we sometimes don't have a place in this world. But, we all need to let go of things we cannot control and believe that God has plans for us...big or small.
Cheers to being blessed, loved and having a purpose...whatever it may be.
Life is not a walk in the park. We all go through seasons of hardships. We all fall. We are all broken. We all feel as though that we sometimes don't have a place in this world. But, we all need to let go of things we cannot control and believe that God has plans for us...big or small.
Cheers to being blessed, loved and having a purpose...whatever it may be.
P.S. Thanks for listening. I am not even sure if anyone made it to the end of this ramble!
